I want to live, not just exist.

Something is wrong.
Or just off.
I don't know.





These last couple of weeks have been those days where you feel like the loneliest person on the planet.
It is strange how you can be surrounded by a room full of people and still feel completely alone. 

 

 Yup, I am feeling empty.





I think I am changing....?
My room is a complete mess. I NEVER let anything get messy.
I don't eat. & I love food!
I have stopped going to classes. (If you know me, I never miss!)
I don' t do my hair.
I'm jealous of people.
Music doesn't have the same effect on me as it used to.
My nails are getting long.
I am scared for summer for several reasons.
I've literally had a headache for two weeks straight.
I feel like I live in my car.
If I am alone, I am crying.
I am constantly worrying about those I care about.
I'm suddenly addicted to blogging. (SORRY!)

I'm extremely stressed out.
I had three finals today. One tomorrow. I'm sick. I work all week.
Jared is leaving so soon. Less than three weeks.
Too soon.
I'm panicking.
I haven't seen my parents for a loooong time.
I don't like this feeling. It is scaring me.
This isn't me.
I also feel like I am missing out. 
Missing out on what though? 
Friends, fun, life, happiness, laughter... I guess. 
I am ready to have a good time.
I am choosing to live.
I'll try to do it on my own...
Maybe I need some help?
Sometimes everyone just needs a little nudge.


For now, I'll just keep smiling. Even if I have to fake it.