My head is too full.

Writing, I have missed you.

I don't know where I am going with this. 

I just let my fingers scribble out on the page 
OR pound the keyboard until I have absolutely no words left inside my head. 

Sometimes, I can't keep up.
& sometimes, I only get 3 words out. 
This is not one of those short posts.
Sometimes, I just want to scream out everything that is racing through my head.

What is on my mind right now?
Too much.........
...here I go.

There is nothing more devastating than looking in the mirror and not recognizing the person in front of you.
Feeling like some kind of monster.
Completely out of your own head.
Being so lost.
Feeling trapped inside of your own skin.
Standing in such a dark place you desperately want to escape from.
Doing things that you would NEVER normally do.
Faking laughs and smiles.
Hoping something will change
& you'll stop feeling this way.
This is exactly where I have been for quite a while now.
Here I am,
staying strong in prayer.
Having no words to pray,
but figuring out how to at least open my heart again.
Hoping for peace.
There is a purpose to this madness.

I KNOW THERE IS.

 

"Stay on the Lord's side and you will win every time."

- Elder Richard G. Scott

 

Never in a million years would I have guessed I would be where I am today.

A few years ago I thought I would be getting engaged in a few weeks and getting married in a few months.

I was way off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here I am,

more single than ever.

Watching all my friends planning weddings.

Wondering where I went wrong.

 

Just trying to become the person the Lord wants me to be.

Going through Hell and back.

Over and over again.

But getting back up on my feet and trying!

Because trying is doing.

 

"This is all a blessing in disguise!" -Mom

 

 

 

 

 

I am leaving for a while.
To clear my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I feel so much better having just blurted out every thought.

& that's why I write.
 

Just let go. Let it all go and be real. 

If anyone read this, this may have not made any sense.
I don't even know if it makes sense to me.








..........cheeeeeeeeers!